Let’s Change the Way We Look at Dating

Stacy KarynGeneral Dating Advice4 Comments

Are you playing dating as if it were a game to win?

This topic of “playing the game” has been revisited again and again, starting with the original ever-so-popular book, The RulesEven today, online dating agencies, profile writers, and yes, even the set-up of many online dating sites, are still catering to the idea that we need to play the dating game as if it were Monopoly. But it’s becoming time to change the way we look at dating.   

Time and time again, we are told not to text someone first … or not to show too much interest. Your friends may be telling you to, “Let him come to you! If he likes you, he will text you.”, while his friends are telling him not to scare you away by showing too much interest.

Now this is not an easy thing to change. If someone does show too much interest, it is very possible that they could scare off their crush. This is going to have to be a group effort.

Let’s Change the Way We Look at Dating with 5 New Rules:
Rule #1:

If a person of interest texts you, text them back when you have a free moment. Don’t think about how long you should wait to read it or to respond to it. In the same way, if someone reads or responds to your text rather quickly, don’t think anything of it. That’s a good thing … not a scary thing.

Rule #2:

Treat one another with respect. Remember that the person you are writing to is a person. Treat them that way. Stop playing around with these apps in the same way you play around with Siri.

Rule #3:

If you actually like someone you go on a date with, don’t try to convince them that you aren’t looking for a relationship. I know it may sound like the cool thing to say. However, with over 700 online dating profiles under my belt, I ask every one of my clients what they are actually looking for. Turns out 98% of them are looking for a serious relationship. So stop pretending that you aren’t. If we are going to collectively change the way we look at dating, it has to start with you.

Rule #4:

Swipe slowly. When you are using Tinder, has it ever crossed your mind that one of these people may just be the perfect person for you? Try to get into the habit of at least looking at the second picture before deleting them from your potential dates forever. Move slowly and focus on quality, not quantity.

Rule #5:

Stop choosing potential matches based on looks alone. If you have found a profile with the most amazing pictures, but nothing that interests you in the actual text, you are already off to a shaky start. If you can’t find anything that you would like to talk about in the bio, chances are high that it’s going to be just as hard to find a solid conversation topic when you meet up for your first date.

To sum up: It’s time to throw away what we have been taught, and to start looking at this whole thing differently. If the singles community were to open up to the possibility of finding something real and meaningful, rather than collecting as many first dates as possible, there just may be less loneliness, and more matches.

Good luck!

change the way we look at dating

4 Comments on “Let’s Change the Way We Look at Dating”

  1. I think most people are just afraid to be hurt because they made bad experiences in the past and just try to protect themselves. But if you never risk anything nothing will change…

    1. Yes, that’s definitely true! Heartbreak can definitely spread like a disease, and at some point we have to make the decision to stop the cycle.

  2. Your fourth rule is very interesting. Online dating is now all the rage, so we should treat it more seriously by actually looking through the users. My friends met on Tinder and now they are married. Online dating profiles can actually work, if you let it.

    1. I love hearing stories like that! My husband and I met on Tinder as well, so I totally agree that it can work. 🙂

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