We live in a time in which dating is treated as if it were a game to win. And, this topic of “playing the game” is revisited again and again, dating back to the original ever-so-popular book, The Rules. Even today, online dating agencies, profile writers, and yes, even the set-up of many online dating sites, are still catering to the idea that we need to play the dating game as if it were Monopoly.
Time and time again, we are told not to text someone first … or not to show too much interest. Your friends may be telling you to, “Let him come to you! If he likes you, he will text you.”, while his friends are telling him not to scare you away by showing too much interest.
Now this is not an easy thing to change, because, if someone does show too much interest, it is very possible that they could scare off their crush. This is going to have to be a group effort.
Let’s create some new rules together:
If a person of interest texts you, text them back when you have a free moment. Don’t think about how long you should wait to read it or to respond to it. In the same way, if someone reads or responds to your text rather quickly, don’t think anything of it. That’s a good thing … not a scary thing.
Treat one another with respect. Remember that the person you are writing to is a person. Treat them that way. Stop playing around with these apps in the same way you play around with Siri.
If you actually like someone you go on a date with, don’t try to convince them that you aren’t looking for a relationship just because that’s the cool thing to say. With over 500 online dating profiles under my belt, I ask every one of my clients what they are actually looking for. 98% of them are looking for a serious relationship. So stop pretending that you aren’t.
Swipe slowly. When you are using Tinder, has it ever crossed your mind that one of these people may just be the perfect person for you? Try to get into the habit of at least looking at the second picture before deleting them from your potential dates forever. Move slowly and focus on quality, not quantity.
Stop choosing potential matches based on looks alone. If you have found a profile with the most amazing pictures, but nothing that interests you in the actual text, you are already off to a shaky start. If you can’t find anything that you would like to talk about in the bio, chances are high that it’s going to be just as hard to find a solid conversation topic when you meet up for your first date.
To sum up: It’s time to throw away what we have been taught, and to start looking at this whole thing differently. If the singles community were to open up to the possibility of finding something real and meaningful, rather than collecting as many first dates as possible, there just may be less loneliness, and more matches.