I think we can all agree that real life dating can be more than tough, which makes it perfectly understandable that you may have used a dating simulator or two along the way. And your reasons for doing so are probably more than sound! Dating simulation can be exciting. It triggers the excitement of actually going on dates. There is no risk of rejection. You don’t have to pay for drinks. It’s a win-win situation. Right? Well, I would say otherwise. It’s actually more beneficial for you to stay out of the whole dating simulator thing altogether. And here’s why:
1. You’re building up false confidence.
The problem with dating simulators is that they build you up to a point which you start to believe that you are irresistible. Specifically, that you are naturally irresistible without having to do anything in return. You don’t have to put on nice clothes, work out, or even shower. It falsely presents you with the idea that if you walk into a bar, the woman sitting at the end will want you. Of course, confidence itself is not a bad thing. But unfounded confidence can create some deep issues when it comes to social interactions.
2. You’re learning unnatural dialog.
By using these simulators, you are subconsciously teaching yourself that people respond well to lines like “I wanted to test if our saliva was compatible”. There is no value in learning how to interact through these role-playing like scenarios. A better way to move forward in terms of communication skills would be to read a great book on the subject, such as The Charisma Myth, by Olivia Fox Cabane.
3. You are only interacting with hot strangers.
Dating simulators teach you that every potential sexual partner is going to look like a god or a goddess, which just isn’t the case. There is more to people than their physical appearance. And sexual intimacy is much stronger when it starts from more of an intellectual place. By using simulators (especially the ones in which there are actual images of beautiful digitized strangers), you are setting your expectations way too high for what’s to come.
4. It’s a distraction.
Although the use of a dating simulator can be fun for the imagination, at the end of the day, none of it is real. The time you are spending on simulators could be much better spent picking up a new hobby (where you might meet someone great), working out (so you might attract someone great), or reading books (so you might connect with someone great).
5. It’s an unearned reward.
By rewarding yourself with hot dates when they haven’t even been technically earned, you are zapping your motivation levels when it comes to actually putting time into self-improvement and earning real dates. This has a lot to do with dopamine levels, and there is an awesome Improvement Pill video on a similar subject, which is definitely worth a watch. Check it out here.
6. It can cause social anxiety.
Since you usually have a choice of three or four scripted responses at a time when using a dating simulator, it is not an accurate representation of how things will play out when trying to successfully flirt or interact with people in the real world. This jump from simulation to reality has the potential to cause social anxiety in situations that don’t provide you with premeditated things to say.
7. It can potentially trigger depressive episodes.
Although it may be fun to use dating simulators while you’re in the midst of it, there is a chance of feeling down emotionally when play time is over. There must be a reason that you are using these simulators in the first place. And chances are high that the reason for doing so is to fill a void that should rather be filled by something else.
8. It contributes to the idea that dating is a game.
We are living in a time in which so many people are treating the dating process as if it were a game to win. And unfortunately, these types of simulators tap into that idea, creating a global dating environment in which it is becoming harder and harder for people to actually embrace vulnerability. I even wrote a book on this very idea, which you can find on Amazon, here!
9. It messes up your real dates.
You know that feeling you get after spending hours on a video game? That feeling that everything in real life starts to look and feel as if it were just an extension of that game? Well that can fun and all, but applied to your dating life, it’s a straight road to disaster. The people you will meet in real life need to be met with gentle compassion. Don’t let these simulators mess with your real world interactions.
10. You are better than that!
By playing these simulators, you are falling into the trap of people who want to feed off of your sadness. Do not let them win! You are an awesome, interesting, and intelligent person who has a lot to offer. My hope is that you won’t be tricked into thinking anything otherwise.
So my final advice to you? Stop using simulators and start using dating apps. Put yourself out there. Even if your first few interactions (or even dates) don’t go smoothly, it’s all a learning process. And just like any game you might play, you have to keep practicing to get better. Instead of putting your energy into something that isn’t real, put this energy into yourself. You will thank me for this later. 😉
And if you need that extra boost of confidence, you can always check out my services to get you started.
So what do you think? Have you ever used a dating simulator?
And do you agree that the negative effects outweigh the positive? Or maybe you have a whole different take on it all! I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.