Ready to change things for the better?
Standing out in a sea of singles be an overwhelming and sometimes near impossible task. There are confident, intelligent, and attractive people everywhere, so it’s no wonder you’re sometimes feeling down. So how do you become one of the elite and highly sought-after singles? And how do you become more dateable in such a tough market?
Lucky for you, it can be as easy as following a simple 30-day plan. If you choose to continue, you’ll be given a task for each of the next 30 days, with clearly laid out homework for you to complete. And if you really follow everything in this program step by step, you will easily become more dateable in just thirty days.
Consider this your new challenge. But this challenge isn’t just for singles. It’s also great for those of you who are in a relationship, but not exactly feeling at your best in terms of who you are and what you have to give.
Before we get started, it’s important to take a look at five of the key areas that make a person desirable. These specific five are the areas we will be fine tuning through various exercises over the next weeks.
Become More Dateable in 30 Days
Although you may be thinking that good looks come down to a person’s genes alone, you are greatly mistaken. No matter your current state, you have the opportunity to be a “ten” in terms of your “hotness” level. And yes, that’s on a scale from one to ten.
Here are the five key factors that we will be adjusting and improving on over the next thirty days:
Without confidence, nothing else really matters. You could be the most attractive person in the world, but if you don’t actually believe in yourself and what you have to offer, other people won’t perceive you to be all that great either.
Good hygiene is sexy. And it’s the easiest of the five points to manage! But when ignored, you will not be considered dateable by the general population.
And no, I’m not talking about your genes. I’m talking about the appearance that you actually have control over. Your clothing, your weight, and your skin are all very important pieces of this puzzle.
- Social Status
This is relating to everything having to do with your relationships to others. Whether your priority is to strengthen relationships with family, friends, or coworkers is totally up to you. This is personal for each individual.
This is one of the most important points on the list. If you have hobbies and passions that you truly enjoy, your confidence and attraction levels will soar through the roof. More on this later. Let’s get started.
DAY 1: Hygiene Check
Now, you may be thinking that this is an easy one since you’re probably already used to showering and brushing your teeth every day. But good hygiene is so much more than that. Good hygiene is what entices people to come closer to you. It’s the determining factor that can bring you from a 9 to a 10.
The reason that I put this as number one on the list, is that people generally don’t finish 30-day challenges. And if you do end up being one of the 90% who don’t finish this challenge, my plan is for you to at least walk away from this with a hygiene game that is 100% on point.
“But what else do I need to consider, other than showering and brushing my teeth?”
If you are at a loss for where to start, here’s a handy list of questions. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to go through this on a regular basis to keep yourself in check:
- Are both the inside and the backside of your ears clean?
- Is there any dirt under your nails?
- How is your nail health? Is there anything funky going on there?
- Is it time for a haircut?
- Do you have any odd hairs on your face or body that can easily be tweezed or shaved?
- Are you shaved to the point that you prefer to be shaved?
- Have you flossed today?
- Have you washed your face?
- And of course, have you showered/brushed your teeth today?
Work your way through the list of hygiene points above, taking action on anything that is not up to your newly high standards. Make yourself squeaky clean. And while you’re at it, change the sheets on your bed. Afterwards, you’re going to feel like a new person.
Day 2: Get to Sleep
A lack of sleep can cause numerous problems, including but not limited to excess stress, bad skin, tiredness (of course), mood swings, dark circles under the eyes, difficulty concentrating, and even a lack of sex drive! But you can read more on all that here.
Needless to say, not one of the above items is generally considered to be an attractive trait. So if you are ready to boost your hotness level, it’s necessary to make a change.
Are you getting enough sleep? Take a look at your schedule and see what you can cut in order to get a bit more sleep each night. Pick a new bedtime and a new wake up time, and stick to it! Start with your new schedule today.
Since you should have already changed to fresh sheets yesterday, the thought of going to bed should be at least a little exciting to you today.
Day 3: Physical Activity
Regardless of your weight or fitness level, it is important to incorporate some level of regular physical activity into your routine. This is the part where I’m going to lose some of you. As I said before, I’m estimating that about 90% of you are going to quit at some point before reaching the end of the challenge. If you want to be in the successful 10%, don’t stop now!
The good news is that this can be totally customized to your preferences. You don’t have to become a runner, or start going to the gym. You have complete creative freedom with how you’d like to get this done.
Need some ideas?
- Daily power walk – You can explore new areas at the same time!
- Hiking – A great way to clear your mind while seeing new things.
- Geocaching – a world-wide treasure hunt. Look it up!
- Biking – Dust off that bike and give it some life!
- Dancing – Join a course, or find some YouTube tutorials.
- Yoga – Great for flexibility, posture, and overall health. I can personally recommend Boho Beautiful for this!
- Sports – Basketball, baseball, squash, football, soccer, tennis … the world is yours!
- There’s also running, swimming, martial arts, larping, walking your dog, weight lifting, farming, rollerblading, rock climbing, trampolining, gardening, golfing, archery, and kayaking, to name a few.
Pick a few of the ideas above and schedule them. You have about 28 remaining days in the challenge, and I’d like you to schedule physical activities on 18 of them.
You can even mix and match. Maybe you are going to do gardening Monday, rock climbing on Wednesday, and hiking on Friday. You have complete freedom here. The main idea is to get moving. This is going to be one of the most powerful factors in helping you to become more dateable.
Day 4: Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate!
Just as a lack of sleep comes with various side effects, so does a lack of water. Yes, there have been countless debates as to whether or not we really need 8 glasses of water a day, but I have yet to find any evidence that drinking a healthy amount of water can actually harm you.
Just from my experience alone, drinking 8 medium-sized glasses of water each day has cured some incredible things, such as muscle aches and skin problems. Plus, when you are focused on drinking 8 glasses of water each day, it becomes natural to cut out the other not-so-healthy drinks in the process, which turns into even more advantages!
Download a water tracker app (or come up with your own system). Try drinking 8 glasses of water today, and every following day for the next 27 days of the program. Then, you can decide for yourself whether or not it works for you.
Day 5: Social Contact
If you want to boost your confidence and attraction level, it is essential that you embrace humanity and join up with it for a drink. Well it doesn’t have to be a drink, but it is important to interact with the people around you. The more you interact with your world, the more you are going to feel as if you belong in it. And this is a surefire way to build confidence, and quickly.
Now the types of social contact that you would like to have is totally up to you. Maybe you prefer to hang out with family. Or maybe you like being in big groups of people. The specifics of this doesn’t matter as much. What does matter is your decision to be a part of society.
If your social life is already full and rewarding without a romantic partner, your future partner will be more like the icing on the cake, rather than the entire cake. You are more likely to feel full and happy on your own, which is going to stop you from giving into the fear of not finding someone. So let’s get down to it.
Contact a few friends and/or family members and schedule some time to hang out with them. Schedule four different social connections before the 30 days are up. The catch? The four connections can’t all be with the same people. You need to schedule these hang outs with at least two different groups or people for it to count as done.
Extra Credit: If you have the feeling that you’re in need of a boost when it comes to social interactions, make sure to watch this great video by Dr. Aziz!
Day 6: Clean Up Your Closet
The clothing you choose to put on your body says more about you than you may think it does. People have just a couple of split seconds to make a snap decision about the person they think you are. And first impressions are hard to change.
So let’s make sure the next first impression you make is a good one. Here are some things you can do to freshen up your closet:
- Go through your clothing and toss everything that has unfixable holes, stains, or tears.
- Donate all items that don’t fit anymore, or ones that you don’t feel good in.
- Next, fix the clothing that is fixable (sew the buttons back on, fix the holes, cut off excess threads, etc.).
- Do a load of wash, making sure to wash everything that needs washing.
- Iron the clothes that need ironing.
- Do some research and figure out what type of clothing you really like.
Sign up for Pinterest (if you really haven’t already) and make a new “board” for yourself. Label it “My Wardrobe” and make it private. Next, do a search and start saving your favorite outfits to that board. Try to select timeless, solid, classy pieces that won’t easily go out of style.
Next, compare your newly formed dream wardrobe to what you currently own. What pieces do you need to buy in order to dress like the people on your board? Make a list of these essential items, and make an effort to buy them the next time you have a bit of extra money on hand.
Day 7: Go to an Event
As previously mentioned on Day 5, social contact is sexy. It’s in. And it’s not going out of style. The good news is that even if you don’t have a huge group of friends, it is becoming easier and easier to meet new people. Here are some resources you might want to check out:
- Facebook groups:
Chances are high that there is a Facebook group perfectly designed for you and your needs. Whether it’s “Singles in Ontario” or “Programmers in NYC”, you are sure to find a group of likeminded people here.
You will probably find a nice place of belonging somewhere here as well. Meetup is not just for singles. In fact, it’s for people of all ages and walks of life.
Simply do a Google search for “events in [my city]”, and you may be surprised at the number of results.
Make sure to keep your eyes open as you are walking around your city. Look out for flyers, banners, business cards, etc. You might just find a cool event this way!
Do some research and find out what types of events are coming up in your area. Put one of these events on your calendar, and actually go to it when the day comes. If you would like to invite someone to come with you, great! If not, go alone! It’s totally up to you.
Day 8: Surprise Yourself
When it comes to being in a relationship, it’s no secret that people like to be kept on their toes, at least a little bit. If there is some sort of element of surprise to you and your personality, you will increase your chances of being seen as interesting and mysterious.
And how should you achieve this? Surprise yourself!
Make a list of 10 – 20 things you have never done before. Then, make a list of 10 things you would never do.
And now? Do one of the things on your list. If not today, then schedule it to be done at some point during the next 20 days.
Day 9: Adjust Your Diet
Oh no! Things are adding up and the challenge is getting harder! Don’t worry, this one isn’t going to involve research on the top dieting trends, or intense detailed meal plans. Today is just going to be about incorporating one simple new rule.
All of those cookies, chips, sodas, and desserts you’ve been having? Out! Unless they happen to be made with all-natural products.
And by natural products, I mean products that the earth made – not products that man/machine made. An easy way to take care of this is to simply look at the ingredients in the food you are buying. Do you recognize all of the ingredients? If you don’t know what one of the ingredients is, put it back. It’s not for you – not for the next 20 days at least.
Make a promise to yourself to eat clean for the next 20 days.
Now, this doesn’t have to be as extreme as it sounds. You are granted one exception to this rule: when you’re with other people! Sometimes it’s just important to sit back and enjoy life. If you have plans with friends, family, or a date, feel free to let loose and enjoy the food and drink that’s there. But for the next 20 days, eat clean whenever you are on your own.
Day 10: Catch Up
You have scheduled a lot of things over the past ten days (water levels, physical activity, something surprising, time with friends, one event). Now is the time to catch up a bit.
Give yourself a little refresher on your tasks from the last 10 days. Look over your calendar. Are you on track towards completing the 30-day challenge? See if you can squeeze in a workout today. Or maybe you can spontaneously meet up with someone. Make sure your water levels are on point. Do whatever you need to do to stay in the game. You are a third of the way through the challenge now, and you have already become more dateable than you were at the beginning. But you still have a ways to go.
Day 11: Listen to Yourself (literally!)
We spend so much of our lives talking, but so many of us hate hearing our voices on video or recording. But this is simply because we aren’t used to the sound of it.
Whenever we speak, we hear everything through a filter. We hear our voices through our faces and our heads. It’s similar to chewing our food. It sounds different to us than it does to other people.
Unfortunately, if you spend your life trying to actively avoid listening to your own voice, you’ll be missing out on an amazing opportunity of self-improvement.
You’ll be missing out on the opportunity to remove bad habits, like “like” and “um”.
You won’t be taking the opportunity to react as if you were a third party and adjust accordingly.
And most importantly, you will be missing out on the opportunity to get outside of your head, literally.
A nice and pleasant speaking voice can give you the power to win people over, professionally and romantically.
Here’s where I’m going to lose another chunk of you. Don’t be one of them!
Grab a recorder or download an app on your phone. Talk into the recorder for one minute. Do this diary style and talk about how your experience with the 30-day challenge has been so far.
When you are done, play it back. Don’t judge yourself too harshly. Just take notes. What do you hear? What don’t you like? Write everything down. And then re-record yourself while focusing on your points to improve. This time, talk about how awesome you are – your strengths, talents, all of the things you have accomplished in life.
Now listen again. Any difference?
If you feel as if you have a lot to improve here, this is a great exercise to repeat weekly.
Day 12: Take a Look Around
If you ever invite other people into your home, today is a day of importance. Your home is a physical reflection of who you are as a person. If it is messy, dirty, and full of chaos, people are going to assume that about your personality. If it is 100% neat, with not one thing in the wrong place, people are going to assume that about your personality too.
It’s very important to create a space that reflects the personality you want to portray to others.
Part 1: Take a look around your space. Imagine you were entering it for the first time. What would you assume about the person who lives there? What does that make you want to change about your space?
Part 2: It’s time for a big cleaning. Take 1-2 hours out of your day today and vacuum/dust/scrub everything until it shines.
Day 13: Stop Thinking
Meditation is becoming pretty trendy these days, and for a good reason! A plethora of mental health benefits have been tied to this practice, and it’s becoming really easy to grab a slice of this pie.
Navigating the dating world is not an easy thing to do. If done incorrectly, it can be filled with heartbreak, confusion, worry, and depression. However, by adding in this outer layer of meditation, you have the ability to protect yourself from all that, by putting on the body armor of mental strength.
There are countless apps, YouTube videos, and general resources designed to introduce noobies to meditation, so let’s get to it!
Download a meditation app or do a quick google search for beginner’s meditation. Then, try it out today. No strings attached. That’s all.
Day 14: Get Informed
Yes, it’s never good to talk about religion or politics on a first date. But it’s also good to be comfortably informed about these topics. If you have some sort of stance on the major issues that are going on, or at least knowledge of them, you will be deemed as more intelligent than someone who doesn’t keep track of it at all.
That said, there is a fine line here. Reading excessive news can lead to sadness and a sense of hopelessness, so it’s important to create your own boundaries.
Read the news for 20 minutes today. Pull up at least three different news sources, so that you have a well-rounded set of information to learn from.
Day 15: Treat Yourself
You have been working SO hard on this challenge. And if you have made it this far, you are already way ahead of most people. So now it’s time to give yourself a little reward.
But there’s a catch.
You only get this reward if you have done all of your homework up to this point.
Today’s Assignment Reward:
If you have done all of your homework assignments, you can take the rest of the day off. You can even treat yourself to one “non-clean” food item if you want to.
If you haven’t done all of the homework assignments, your new assignment is to do 10 pushups, 10 jumping jacks, and 20 sit ups. Go!
Day 16: Make Those Appointments
As life gets in the way, it can be easy to let all of our regular appointments fall through the cracks (dentist appointments, doctor checkups, haircuts, etc.). However, by keeping up on these appointments, you are sending the message that you care about yourself, and that you have your life together. These are two hugely attractive qualities.
If you are unable to care for yourself, how are you going to care for a partner or a child one day? Just as we’re supposed to do when putting on oxygen masks in the plane, we need to take care of ourselves first. Then, and only then, should we go about the task of finding someone new to add to our lives.
If you are behind on any appointments, schedule them now.
Day 17: Clean Up Your Digital Room
If you are actively dating, you are probably being googled more often than you think. We live in a time where your digital appearance is becoming almost as important as your physical appearance.
Your Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest accounts are all places where your digital appearance lives. It’s important that you don’t have anything that could be seen as off-putting in any of these areas.
Go through all of your publicly available accounts and do a cleanup. Remove awkward photos of you as a teenager. Remove anything offensive or controversial. Get rid of unflattering photos, or photos of injuries. Look at everything through the eyes of a romantic interest. What would turn you off?
Day 18: Clean Up Your Dating Profiles
Just as we talked about yesterday, your digital appearance is important, especially in your online dating profiles. This should be a place free of everything negative and unappealing. Stay clear of controversy. Be friendly and positive.
Go through your profiles and remove anything with a negative undertone. Do a spelling and grammar check. Ask for a second opinion on your photos and your text. Get your profile professionally made over or ask a friend for their honest opinion of everything.
And if you don’t yet have an online dating profile, today is the day that you’re going to sign up for one!
Day 19: Double Down
So, you think you’re going to be one of the rare 10% of people who finish this challenge? Well things are about to get even more challenging. Today is about pushing yourself to the limit. It’s about going in 100% and not looking back. If you want to be a 10, you have to start acting like a 10.
Yes, you can go through this entire challenge by doing the bare minimum. Maybe you’re just reading and thinking about the challenges rather than doing them. But the ones who fully complete each assignment with wide eyes and a sense of readiness are the ones who are going to be snagging all of the dates when this comes to an end.
So the choice is yours. Are you a passive onlooker, or are you in it to win it?
Push yourself further. The extent to which you do this is up to you. You can choose to add another event to your calendar, or an extra workout day. Maybe you want to put more effort into deep cleaning your apartment. Or perhaps you want to give meditation a second go. Push yourself as far as you are able to go today.
Day 20: Chill Out
Since yesterday was a day of pushing, today is going to be the opposite. Stress isn’t attractive or sexy, so let’s eliminate it. But what are some ways of doing that? Here are some ideas:
- Take a bubble bath
- Watch your favorite TV show or movie
- Write in your journal
- Call a good friend
- Listen to music and pour yourself a glass of wine
- Go for a walk
- Bake something
- Watch funny YouTube videos
Today is probably going to be your favorite assignment. Your homework is to pick something from the above list or come up with your own idea on how to destress. Then do it! That’s all for today.
If you are in need of more ideas on how to destress, feel free to check out this awesome video by Holistic Habits!
Day 21: Getting Out There
Now, this 30-day challenge wouldn’t be too helpful if it never encouraged you to get out there and talk to people, would it? But don’t worry, today’s task isn’t going to be that scary. You don’t have to walk up to someone/asking for their number or anything like that.
All you have to do is talk to a couple of strangers. Here are some ideas on how you can do that:
- Have small talk with a cashier.
- Ask someone for directions.
- Ask someone to take a photo of you.
- Go up to a clerk and request assistance in a store.
You get the idea!
Talking to strangers is an essential part of making yourself more dateable. The more people you talk to, the easier it becomes. And consequently, the easier it will be to talk to your date!
Your homework today is to talk to two strangers. This does not mean flirting with or hitting on them (although you can choose to do that too, if you’d like). This is a simple “words coming out of your mouth and words coming out of their mouth” type scenario. Use the ideas above for guidance.
Day 22: Send out Messages
Now that you’ve talked to a couple of strangers in real life, this part should be easy! If you are currently making use of an online dating site, it’s not going to bring you much success if you don’t actively write to people.
Regardless of your gender, this is important!
The more people you reach out to, the higher the chance of going on a date. It’s as simple as that.
Sign up for and take my FREE mini course on messaging here. Then, get messaging! Make sure to keep your messages short, sweet, and a bit flirty. And always end with a question. But most importantly, have fun with it! Send out at least 7 messages today. After all, the best way to become more dateable is to start lining up some actual dates.
Day 23: Do Something for Yourself
Before getting into this one too much, it’s important to state that everything you have done up to this point (in the context of this challenge) has entirely been for yourself. You have made the decision to better yourself every single day, and you should be proud of that.
But today I’d like you to do something else for yourself.
If you are unhappy, it’s going to show. Your date is going to notice that something is off with you. In order to be more dateable, it’s essential that you take care of your happiness. So today, I’d like you to do one little thing to make yourself happier.
Maybe you are really in need of a new pair of shoes. Or it could also be that you miss somebody. Or maybe the clean eating plan has gotten you down. Then buy those shoes, call that person, or eat that ice cream.
Allow yourself to be happy. Spoil yourself. Buy yourself a gift or allow yourself to indulge in something that you know might add a little drop of sunshine to your day.
NOTE: Do not allow yourself any self-sabotaging rewards, such as smoking a cigarette or that sort of thing. That’s counterproductive. More on this tomorrow.
Day 24: Quit Bad Habits
“Bad habits” such as smoking, doing drugs, or excessive drinking are not only detrimental to your heath, but to your relationship success as well. Today is the day you are going to change this.
I’ve purposefully put this one towards the end of the 30-day challenge, because I know this isn’t an easy thing to magically erase from your life (if you do happen to be struggling with this).
However, giving up these bad habits can magically transform the entire way you see and go through life. And if this challenge can be the needed boost to get to this place of freedom, I hope you allow it to be.
Do not touch drugs or cigarettes for at least the last portion of this course. That’s seven days. I know you can do this.
Day 25: Catch Up
I have given you so many new tasks, ideas, and things to schedule, that I wouldn’t feel right about not giving you one last catch-up day.
Just as you did in the first catch-up day, refresh yourself on the previous days of the challenge. Is there anything that you haven’t had the time to do yet? Today’s the day to do it. How are you doing with your water levels? How’s your self-care/hygiene going? Have you seen some friends? Gone to an event? Booked those health appointments? Make sure you are 100% on track before continuing.
Day 26: Give Back
Guess what? I have a secret for you. It’s a secret of something that is extremely attractive. It’s something that, if incorporated into your life, can instantly put you in the category of most desired people. Want to know what it is?
Easy as that. Selflessly giving is something that not many people are able to do, yet it’s one of the character traits that we tend to be drawn to in others.
Here are some ideas of ways you can give back:
- Call a family member just to say hi.
- Buy someone a coffee (maybe even your date!).
- Put coins in vending machines or parking meters.
- Write a nice text or note to a friend.
- Reach out to someone you admire and say thanks.
- Help someone with a task (moving, painting, etc.).
- Give a generous tip.
- Leave a nice comment on someone’s video or blog.
- Compliment your date.
- Hold the door open.
- Be extra nice to your waiter or waitress.
And those are just a few ideas to get you started.
Come up with two of your own ways of giving back (or use an example or two from the list) and do them today.
Day 27: Get to the Kitchen
Let’s face it. Cooking is sexy. Food is sexy. Wine is sexy. A person who knows how to cook is sexy.
It’s time to make yourself more dateable than ever before. Over the next three days, you are going to perfect one recipe of your choice. If you are already pretty good in the kitchen, you might want to choose something more advanced. But if you only know how to make sandwiches, then maybe start with something small.
Select a recipe that you would love to be able to cook. Buy the ingredients and try cooking it tonight. If it doesn’t go as planned, take notes as to what went wrong. You’ll be making it again tomorrow.
Day 28: Stay in the Kitchen
You aren’t done in the kitchen yet! If the recipe from yesterday didn’t turn out so well, you’ll be making it again tonight. If it was a success, you’ll be making a dessert this time.
Buy the needed ingredients for either your repeat meal or dessert. Give it a go!
Day 29: Tying up the Loose Ends
You are nearly done with your challenge! But are you ready to graduate tomorrow? Have you actually gone through everything, doing and completing each and every homework assignment along the way? Now’s your chance to tie up any loose ends.
Finish up ALL assignments. If you haven’t yet gone to an event, go tonight! If you haven’t met up with friends yet, that’s tonight. Make sure your house is spotless, your food is clean, your workouts are done, and every last detail is complete. If you finish that up tonight, you will be one of the 10% that finish the course tomorrow, guaranteed.
And lastly, if your recipe from yesterday still wasn’t great, today is the day. Make that recipe one last time. What could be the problem? Fix that problem and finish up your signature recipe with one last attempt.
Day 30: Reflection
If you are here at day 30 because you have actually completed the entire challenge … wow. Congratulations! You have accomplished something so great, so exciting… something that will stick with you for a very long time to come.
At this point, it’s important to think back to how things were when you first started. How did you feel about yourself then? How do you feel about yourself now? What were the hardest parts of the challenge? The easiest? Most rewarding?
These are important things to think about, because your journey is far from over.
In the end, life is really just a giant experiment. The people who end up winning are the people who are unafraid of trying different things.
Maybe some of these exercises didn’t feel right for you, and that’s okay. It’s best to focus on the ones that did. It’s now time for you to take over.
Your Last Assignment:
After a careful reflection of your past 30 days, your task is to create a new game plan for your next 30 days. Make sure to incorporate your weak areas, so to strengthen them as much as possible.
Then, incorporate new hobbies, physical activity, and social contact, but all on your own terms. Continue the journey and continue to become more dateable, but in a customized and sustainable way.
And most importantly, have fun out there. Enjoy the ride, and don’t be afraid to experiment.
Until next time,